Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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