hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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