sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
