70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
