just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
