Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
