Got a toothbrush?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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