just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
