well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My liver just had a heart attack.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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