New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize