I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
