the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
