I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize