I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
