i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
