Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My vagina is very pro this idea
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