someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
