I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
