evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I believe in your delicious
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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