I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
