wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
