I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
