if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
