Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
