are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
