scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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