I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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