So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
