piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
