I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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