Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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