I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
