Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just invented taco cereal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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