I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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