my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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