Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I only lived at night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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