ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
