I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
