he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
