If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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