piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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