On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
