Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize