Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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