His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
