WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
