He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
