I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
