I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
