Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
