I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
