I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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