I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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