Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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