What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
