I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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