eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my poor anus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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