I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
