you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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