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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
