Please, let me fuck your mom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
