After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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