So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
