At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
