I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
