similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
