I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
