franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
