Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I fill condoms, not promises.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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