meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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