Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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