not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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