stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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