We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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