Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize